Yeah baby!! Google Checkout Rocks!!

Okay, so you have to 'check out' Google Checkout. You can get to it anytime by typing www.google.com/checkout. The logo looks like this:


My exceptionally nice Shure E3c Sound Isolating Earphones were stolen at the gym two weeks ago, and I haven't been able to get in a good workout since. I know that sounds lame, but music is very key to me getting in a good workout or even keep me motivated to run longer, bike stronger, etc... Shitty headphone (and most of them are) just don't do it for me. Especially after having Shure headphone! In my opinion, no one makes better in-ear phone than Shure... not even Bose!

But I decided to check out the prices and the E3c is still going for $199.00 as it was year and half ago when I bought them. But since then they've improved on it twice. I cannot afford the E5c but I just want more extended bass, so I am interested in the E4c Earphones.

E4c Sound Isolating Earphones

Anyway, I went to the Apple store.. E4c's are $350... on Shure's website, $319.00... (never trust eBay, been fucked over twice on that site) but how wonderful is Google Checkout... it checks out all the online vendors of the product and you can find the most affordable on your own. I got these headphones for $169 + $22 in shipping! HELL YEAH!!

LOVE GOOGLE!!

A therapeutic reply

Got a mesage from a new friend - my reply became therapeutic!

my friends message:

"Hey bud,

So, you've been all over my mind tonight. Maybe I'm way off... but I've always thought the guy that goes out on a limb is way cooler than the one that stays quietly inside his box...

So here goes... I think I just kinda put all the pieces together. The song on your profile, the fact that you talk about Marcus ALL the time, the fact that 6 months or a year or whatever it is later meeting for a drink is still awkward and emotional.

Here's my two cents. I know you really loved him... but based on what you said you definitely dumped this guy for all the right reasons. Here's my thing though... you've already been hurt once (or twice or ten times whatever the case is)... really badly... you probably still are... so what's being hurt again? Honestly if your heart wants the guy back and your heads telling you no... I would tell you to go for it because maybe it works out. AND if it doesn't, are you really gonna be hurt much worse than you already are?? If anything I think it will be easier to break up with him after this break you guys took.

On the other hand, if you're really confident in your decision and you're just missing this guy cuz you miss having someone there... I would tell you to do the exact opposite. He's not worth fretting about... lol so why give him power over you by missing him??

I don't know if any of this made sense. Just wanted you to hear... lol I guess from someone that barely knows you... that you're an AWESOME guy (definately one of the coolest ones I've ever met) and fretting about Marcus either way is really a waste of your time because you're better than that....

Have a good night buddy!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

My reply:

Thank god you're not one that stays quietly inside your box!

Thanks for the email. Very kind of you. I have to say I FUCKING HATE CONNEXION more than anything right now. I spent about 30 minutes replying to you, and hit send and the mother fucking system said there was a send error. When I hit back to try again, it had lost my entire message to you. I am so sick of that site! ANYWAY...

I guess I get the wonderful privilege of bleeding my heart out again! LOL Just kidding! Actually it was partially therapeutic writing back to you. The more I think through everything the better. In fact, I'm going to see my therapist on Monday for the first time in many months. I just feel I need to spend some time talking though everything that's happened over the last five months.

So to reply and answer (or explain) a bit of my situation, there's a few things you should know.

First off, I didn't "dump" Marcus. In fact, if anyone was "dumped" it was me. LOL But that's not the way it happened. He knew it didn't feel right anymore and there were some other things acting as the catalyst for this decision, but in the end we both agreed and mutually chose to end the relationship. We felt as if we held on much longer just because we loved each other, that eventually we'd resent each other for keeping one another from the other ambitions and passions we wished to pursue. He is 24 now and was going to Oxford and then possible the east coast for grad school and I was more stationary here in Denver. (However, ironic... that now that I'm single, I'm actually considering moving again. ha ha)

So when Marcus got back in town Friday and called me to grab a coffee or whatever, it was nice to hear from him and a shock cause I didn't know exactly which day he was coming back. But of course I went and met him and we grabbed a drink. I felt as thought I was a bit more reserved than usual. I'm not sure why, or how to explain it, but I'm sure it was just some unnecessary defense mechanism. Soon as I saw him, it was like seeing my brother or sister. It was like seeing someone that will always make me happy.

So yeah, I was a bit awkward as I mentioned, but he wasn't doing anything to make me feel this way. And even thought I love him very much, I don't think we'd be good for each other (dating-wise) right now or in the near future. So it's not like I long to have him back as a boyfriend, I'm just glad to have him back. He's my best friend, and I missed him dearly while he was in England.

The only thing that still has me messed up in the head is the fact that the reason we split up is in direct conflict with his (rather immediate) action of finding a new boyfriend soon as he got to England. I'll admit, I never got jealous or upset, but I'm still super confused. But when I logically look at the situation, I remind myself that it doesn't involve me anymore and that I should just be happy for him, if he's happy. Why we split up is based almost solely on the fact that Marcus was not able to grow as a person because he became so reliant on me. He would put me in a more dominate/decisive position in the relationship, having me make a lot of the decisions. He was comfortable... too comfortable! And in a sense, I was getting too comfortable too. I wasn't being ambitious about much, just stuck in a rut, and putting my relationship ahead of everything else.

Sure, there are/were probably many things we could do to work on not being comfortable and trying to be more independent in the relationship, but we had been trying for two plus years at that point. It was FAR from just throwing in the towel. We worked through everything.

Overall, Marcus was not comfortable in his own skin and needed some time with "just Marcus" to really get to know himself, and figure somethings out in his head. Completely understandable, right? So you can imagine my surprise when after only a few weeks of being in England he tells me about this boy he met named Harry, and now they're boyfriends. Not only that, but he's coming out to Denver at the end of August to visit. He's not sure why he's dating him, but he likes him. He knows this is not what he needs right now and he knows it goes against the main reason why WE split up, but he does so anyways. Sign of weakness, insecurity, dependency? Maybe. Probably. More than likely! However... it's now what makes him smile. It's now what makes Marcus happy, and truly what else is the purpose in life?

So as the "other brother" I promised Marcus I would be... I am glad for him. Marcus' experience in this physical life is going to be one of many surprises and MANY DRASTIC CHANGES. This I know, this he knows! I'm happy being there for him, supporting him and comforting him. I'm happy sharing any part of my experience with him as well.

I think far too many people have an overly complicated outlook on life and relationships, when in reality it's so simple and beautiful it humbles the most arrogant of us all. But most are arrogant (most religion is arrogant) and arrogance is ignorance; the antithesis of anything beautiful, in my opinion.

I'm beginning to ramble, but I guess in conclusion you can rest assured that I personally am very happy and enJOYing my experience over these last few months of being single. It's taken some getting used to, and there was an adjustment period, but it's great.

I feel we all free to choose to discover new avenues for our joy. In my joy I will grow; and in my growth I will add to the growth of All-That-Is (the Universe, God, each other). I will add to the growth of each one of us, to all of us... being happy and joyful contributes to the growth and prosperity of everyone. It's just one of my contributions! ;-) LOL

Planet Unicorn!

Planet Unicorn!! OH MY LORD... the stuff you find on YouTube!

Planet Unicorn Part 1 and 2



Just in case you haven't had enough... Part 3



Part 4 - Now come on, really!

Horses and Elephants and Kangaroos, oh my!

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?




Get your drunk ass off the Merry-Go-Round!

Pharmacology

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of MOUNT&DO.

Thought for the Day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Al Hildreth

My grandfather just passed away last week. This was my father's father. I didn't know him very well. To be completely blunt about it I haven't known him for at least 13 years (when I was 18). After graduating HS it wasn't long before everyone found out about me being gay. I guess this grandfather of mine didn't care much for that. He never made contact wit him since. I went and visited him with my brother and sister once about a month ago. That was the first time I had seen him in many many years.

Apparently he lived a good life but a very unhealthy one, so at the age of 67 he passed and I think it was really hard on most of my family and of course... especially my father who was unable to be there for his funeral.

THE FUNERAL

The whole reason I wanted to write about this a little bit, was because I really thought PARTS of the funeral were uncomfortable to me and many others there (as I found out afterwards at the reception). Not out of disrespect at all - but it's ironic how religion plays a part in peoples lives... OR DOESN'T play a part, until someone gets married or dies. Everywhere else in between "God" exists sporadically. They really should have left all religion, god, and related BS aside in my opinion. My G'pa wasn't a religious person at all from what I knew. But I guess... the funeral is more for those left behind than s/he that just passed.

The only two parts of the service I enjoyed was my Aunt Kim's letter about my G'pa (her father), and a short slide show with pictures of him and his life. That was nice!

IF IT'S ME - LET IT BE KNOWN!

All that aside... I haven't written any direction as to my will or living-will for that matter. But here's my wishes...

If I'm a veggie for any length of time at all really...for all things holy, let me go! Pull that plug baby and send me on my way. This physical existence is not one that I feel is ever worth the pain it would cause others to endure while hoping that I'm going to pull out of it. NOR is it worth the pain I would have to endure if I came back and was severely handicap (mental or physical). Not saying it wouldn't be a worthwhile experience, but honestly... I've had enough challenges in this life that I really don't care to add that extra level of "specialness". No thanks. Maybe if I choose to come back again.

In terms of my death... well I hope it's sudden #1... nothing enduringly painful I hope. But if it is sudden all my friends and family should know without a doubt that I've appreciated them every step of the way. I'll try to show that to you all - I'll try not to be too self-absorbed... HA HA I know I choose to do a lot of it alone sometimes, but I guess that's all part of my experience. It's nothing personal against you, but entirely personal for me.

Yet, when I leave this physical existence (die, croak, pass on, kick it, etc... I like to make light of it cause I don't think very morbid of death) I hope my family and friends do nothing but celebrate the life I lived. I don't want a single mention of the "God" they follow, or the Bible, or anything of a religious relation. I don't even want my funeral to be at a parlor that owns a cross or tailors to most Christians, etc.. it just wouldn't be me!

I would want it in the nature somehow... I'd want it short and sweet, but also very spiritual. I'd want people to know what I believe about life, our purpose, their purpose and very importantly how connected all of us are physical and non-physical. We're all a part of that which we call God, we're all God. So not only should we follow the "golden rule" of treating others as we wish to be treated... but really the opposite. We should treat ourselves as we wish to treat others. If we start by truly loving every part of ourselves we will have so much more to offer everyone else.

Okay, enough of that for now... there just better be some good words said about me and then some good wine and a kegger! LOL Honestly, if everyone is able to appreciate me and my life, then they can appreciate each other and leave aside their differences. They can all show each other that they are all the same and all equally as much a part of me, and god.

Opera Singer

Well gosh... I didn't mean for my blog to become a collage of videos, but I've been very busy with work, training, and even handling a project in Mexico right now.

It's 10:00pm at night and I've come into my office to send a "Goodbye" message to my two managing brokers Justin & Clara. I've decided to switch brokerages for many reasons (too many to discuss), but overall the change to Cherry Creek GMAC Real Estate will be a good one! I'm off to Mexico at 5:00am in the morning, my flight is out of DIA at 7:00am. Why do I always book such early flights? Will I ever learn my lesson?

Anyway, I'm going down to show my friend/client Debbie the project I've been working on, Villa Cortez. Should be more fun and play than work, but I'll be writing it off! :-)

Anyway, I got into the office tonight and got distracted by an email from my friend Lynn. She sent me this video of a man that dreams to be an Opera Singer and tries out on some TV Show Contest. I was bawling!!

Swear Jar

Memorial Day on the Ranch!

Had a blast with my friend Jim (Jimmy Bubba) at his parents ranch in Nebraska last weekend. They have about 7,000 acres and more cattle than I've ever seen. I couldn't imagine a 4-day weekend on a ranch to be so much fun, but it was a blast. We hung out and learned about ranching, and hiked (yes, they have big hills), rode the horses and more.

Here's some pictures from the gang.

Coming Out Insurance

"You're never going to get to any final place. And so, we want to remind you to relax and start having fun on the way."



"Fear only exists when you do not understand that you have the power to project thought and that the Universe will respond. "

- Abraham

What dreams will come?

I wrote this email to my friend Jason today and thought it was interesting enough to put in my online journal (blog). I think it will be interesting to read this in a couple months from wherever I am, doing whatever I'm doing, and see how I planted the seeds of desire earlier... just don't know exactly what those seeds will become just yet. :-)

excerpt from my email to Jason:

...I'm just looking for some change. I'm not sure how or when or whatever, but to me that seems irrelevant anyways. The details are not as important to me as much as the reason why. I'm 31 tomorrow and over the last year since I turned 30 I've come into this new way of thinking and feeling on much in life. Even more changed in February when Marcus and I went our own way and I became single again. The door with more freedom and flexibility flew open, and my head has been spinning ever since trying to figure out what changes I want.

Without a doubt, I feel that Marcus was EXACTLY what I needed for those 4 years. When I left Playground I wasn't happy. It's not that I wasn't happy with them or ITW, or anyone for that matter… other than myself. I was getting deeper and deeper into some self-deprecating habits. Marcus was my savior, and the first person to help me be more comfortable in my own skin.

Fast forward to today, I almost feel invincible. Nothing can make me unhappy or sway me from my ambitions because my entire intention is focused on my well being. I'm becoming increasingly driven to let go of anything that hinders me from enjoying my journey, my experience.

How this translates to business is that while 'regular residential sales' is lucrative and still fairly simulating, it isn't my true passion. Yet, ever since I left the world of development sales I've desired to return. Only last year did I get stable enough with my business that I didn't have to seek out clients. Now my referral network is strong enough I have an assistant and could spend some time trying to get back into development again. So I started Fuse with a few others and we have our first project in Mexico, but I'm just not so certain I want to recreate the wheel when there are others out there that have more or less perfected the way to do it (i.e. Sid and Pete).

I guess at this point I'm a few months out from being able to jump onto any project anyway, but I'm putting my feelers out now. I'm curious about your thoughts on this. I've always appreciated the way you explore and analyze business, plus you've never left the field that I desire to return to. If you were in my shoes what would you be considering?

Thanks for letting me ramble. Have a good weekend.>>

Jaden - Growing up!

Wow! My sister sent me these today from pictures she took this weekend of Jaden. I can't believe how quickly the little guy is growing up. Click on the photo for a small album of images.

Jaden

Song for a Friend

I wanted to share this with all my dudes! A lot of guys that I totally respect, love and appreciate.

My favorite musician is probably Jason Mraz. I've talked about him before, and I if you know me well enough I am always listening to his music. I think Jason is an incredibly lyricist and all of his songs are extremely heartfelt. Most of his music is very uplifting and always keeps a smile on my face.

Jason is not gay but he apparently has a lot of gay buddies that he respects and appreciates too. He mentioned how the majority of singer/song writers talk about love between a man and a woman. But he thought it was important to write a love song from a man to another man. And since I'm such a romantic at heart and dig love songs all together... this is clearly my favorite song ever.

All together in my 30 years, no song has ever influenced me and much as this one. It was a constant reminder (as Marcus reminded me often) we always need to love ourselves first and foremost above all else. And listen to it through the very end, this song ends with the choir saying to just go for it... climb up over the top, don't hold back, "why not give it a shot" and find out all the strengths we have in us. It gets me pumped every time I hear it. I hope you enjoy it.

Well you're magic he said
But don't let it all go to your head
Well I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed
No doubt
All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping
To be
Keep on keeping it real
Cause it keeps getting easier indeed
He's the reason that I'm laughing
Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself

You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek
You got all the skill you need,
Individuality
You got something
Call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself

Yes you are

There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take,
That's why it's easy to thank you
You...

Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you
Yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love

Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you.

What's happening?

It's only 7 days before my 31st birthday. I can't believe how much things have changed 2007. I thought this was going to be a powerful year but I will admit I had my reservations.

This year I'm learning to be more of a deliberate creator. It's also my desire to make peace with where I am.

For the last 4 years I've grown accustomed to interacting with Marcus. I know there's an adjustment period as I still think it's hard for me to find my place. I know Marcus hasn't left me, it's just the form of our relationship has changed into friendship.

There is so much more out there to experience. I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface. This year, I'd like to be able to go and visit my friend Matt in Toronto. I've known him for 7 years and have only been able to hang out with him when I was living on the east coast. I'd also like to plan a trip to Lake Powell, stay on a boat for a week, relax.. Ahhhh!

But at the same time, I also really need to make some changes with my career. I'm not 100% sure residential real estate (as I've been doing) is my passion. It's fun, and it pays well, but not sure I'm getting all the joy out of it as I would if it was something I was completely passionate about. Ironically, I keep dreaming back towards what I used to do, not from the prospective of what I DID, but from what my company did. I worked for Playground (www.playground.com), but on the management side. Not on the broker/sales side, which is what I'd be interested in now. Except, I couldn't work with Playground. They're owned by Intrawest and I'm not so sure I'm into either of those company culture/people. However, the original owners of the company (SAPERA) that became Playground were Sid and Pete. They were true leaders! I respect them very much and well... they've created a new company called S&P Real Estate which seems identical to how Sapera used to be. I've been keeping tabs on what they're up to on their website, but also thru my friends that work there as VP's or Directors.

Anyway... This year I really hope to start accomplishing some bigger goals. As my friend Dan told me once, "The 20's are for learning and the 30's are for earning!" And baby, I'm ready to earn!

Abraham Reveals the secret behind "The Secret"

I always wondered...

Dream Canyon

I've heard about the infamous "Dream Canyon" for years since I was 20yo and have never gone to even check it out. Supposedly it was this place that takes a while to hike back to and because it's so remote people will go nude. Which of course attracts a bunch of mo's.

Well, it was a fairly simple (but very beautiful) hike, and there were a ton of straight people completely clothed! What a let down! ha ha

Nah, it was actually a really nice hike along a river. Jon (who I just met) drove, and Tim (my old roommate) invited me. Along with us were Mark and Austin. We had a great time, hiked down to a few flat rocks, took our shirts off and got a little sun. Tim is a very good photographer, and he was taking a lot of pictures of them. I don't blame him... they all have good bodies. ME, on the other hand, I avoid the camera at all costs. Not ashamed of my body, but damn... I always make the most fucked up faces!! ha ha

Anyway, these were all the shots Tim sent over if you're interested.

Dream Canyon

My Astrology Profile

OKAY.. so this profile of me is VERY CLOSE TO PERFECT... very peculiar!

Nathan Hildreth
May 12, 1976 at 7:57am

Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio • Ascendant in Gemini, Mercury in the Twelfth House • Saturn in the Second House • Moon in the Fifth House • Venus in the Eleventh House • Sun in the Twelfth House

Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio

You were born with the Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Scorpio. This combination of opposite signs denotes a very strong personality. Internally, you are warm-hearted and amorous. You have a tremendous amount of patience, firmness, and self-determination. You are intensely ambitious and have a strong desire for a position of renown in the world.

Your personality is in keeping with the individuality just outlined. Others view you as very determined, assured, and self-reliant. Often you are too brash and direct, and your remarks can be offensive. You are attracted to high-quality goods and luxuries, and you will work hard to secure them.

Because of the Sun in Taurus, you are conservative and resistant to changes. The Taurean gift of patience is somewhat overshadowed by your irritability and tendency to anger. It is best for others to stay out of your path when your pride has been pricked.

The Moon in Scorpio indicates a person of marked sexuality with strong tastes and an appetite for pleasures. Your aura of mystery appeals to men. At times you sense that your love of pleasure violates your most essential nature - basic tranquillity and rooted individuality.

Ascendant in Gemini, Mercury in the Twelfth House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Gemini was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Mercury is located in the twelfth house.

Your ascending sign and the position of its ruler offers general information concerning the overall trends of the course of life and complements the data pertaining to your temperament, given previously by the analysis of the combined positions of the Sun and Moon.

Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac and among its key psychological influences over life there are the following: intellectual activities, humanism, and abhorrence of violence, constant doubt of all mental concepts, hesitancy and academic interest.

People whose ascending sign is Gemini usually appear as elegant, slender, expressive, and with very humane facial expressions. They are individuals with some literary inclination, dexterous with manual labors and crafts, apt, able, witty, inventive and very curious and subtle.

A Gemini in the ascendant will always distinguish himself by his rather eloquent speech and writing, his much occupied daily life, and his perpetual lack of an ability to effect swift and determined decisions. As a Gemini, you should try to compensate your hesitancy with fast thinking.

Your disposition to life-events will be kind and generous (within bounds) but not always fortunate, because of too much vacillation in decision-making circumstances. You possess the capability of rising in life because of your own intellectual assets.

Your mind is open and generous, and your intellect self-sufficient; yet on many occasions, judgment will appear as "twisted". You should restrain useless discussion, strife, and unprofitable argument as they're your worst enemies.

To achieve success, you should stress your literary and scientific studies, give free hand to your brilliant intellect in warranted circumstances, and apply your diligent nature to writing, traveling, communications, and human analysis. In all these activities you are at your best.

Mercury, the ruler of your life, appears in the twelfth house. This is the house which represents the darker and uncounscious nature of people as well as sorrow. The presence of the ruler here inclines you to be extremely introverted and to conduct your life along lines that are private to the utmost degree. Because of your Gemini life-traits, your versatile and clever mind becomes very interested in the occult, loving to engender and implement intellectual plans with haziness and ambiguity.

Saturn in the Second House

Saturn is found in the second house at the time of your birth. This is not a very favorable astrological circumstance for the general course of financial matters in your life.

It might be difficult to maintain a relatively fair position because of financial losses. You might also take financial matters too serious, and burden yourself with worries about them.

Your arduous and dedicated work might produce little for you financially, but it does help to strengthen your self-worth and your appreciation of other values. Therefore, do not be discouraged. Saturn often grants a fairly normal financial status at an older age if one exerts oneself in this direction.

If you make an effort to acquire greater enthusiasm in business, coupled with more liberality, life will change by the same degree.

Moon in the Fifth House

The Moon was found in the fifth house at the time of your birth. This indicates that you will participate actively in business speculations with many changes occurring in this respect. You were born with a knack for dealing with people and with the ability to communicate with them, particularly in connection with business enterprises.

Your emotional nature is very much geared to your love of pleasure, and you possess a very curious aptitude which may bring you financial gains as well as pleasures in business.

In spite of the positive qualities you have, the fact of the matter is that in love you are very changeable, unstable, or too preoccupied with trivialities.

Your love feelings are very well developed and lead to strong drives for sensations and passionate tendencies which unfortunately are not directed to one object alone.

It is possible that throughout life you may be connected with small and numerous business investments with a fairly good return.


Venus in the Eleventh House

Venus was found in the eleventh house at the time of your birth. Your aspirations in life are very aesthetically oriented.

You strive for peace and harmony and if it were left up to you the whole world would be more humane, kind, and considerate. In your more personal relationships, Venus gives you the capability of obtaining substantial gain and assistance through your friends, who will desire to assist you with the best of intentions.

Sun in the Twelfth House

The Sun was in your twelfth house at the time of birth. This may indicate a life full of limitations, obstacles, and human opposition, but at the same time a lot of inner strength and energy.

You are urged to pause and reflect upon your own accumulated history. Take some time for introspection. It may result in a purification process accompanied by some remorse of conscience.

Internally, you are quite different from the way you present yourself externally. You possess a vast reservoir of energy that may be partially hidden even from your own awareness.

Your internal disposition is strong, commanding, open, and of a rare generosity. More and more you should try to bring these characteristics into the open so that they can overcome some of the less desirable aspects of your personality.

SAND and STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

New CD - Endless Romance!

If you're interested in this CD... I'll make you a copy! ;-)

Pulminary Edema

April 12, 2007

Yeah, real wonderful eh? I went into the hospital on Tuesday for a minor surgery, and the anesthesiologist fucks up putting me under. I wake up with my lungs full of blood and coughed blood for the entire day into the next morning. They had to keep me overnight until I could breath on my own again.

Real fun stuff I'm telling ya! I can breath good again, and even ran a mile this Tuesday, and started back with my trainer on Wednesday. I'm pretty sure I'm fine now, but i do have an appointment with the Pulmonary Clinic to check on my acute edema I had.

Alanis Morissette "My Humps" video

TOO FUNNY!

My Tattoo

Okay, it's done! I have my tattoo designed. Okay, I've had the design for a few months now, but I'm ready to get it done now. It's going to be the size of a grapefruit or so in the center of my upper back. It's very symbolic.

The original design was from NASA with the planet Mars behind it. It was meant to represent how life with start new again on another planet if we could find water on Mars. I was looking for a tattoo (even drawing one myself) VERY similar to this already and was blown away when I came across NASA's design. I got rid of the planet, and finally I have the tattoo I was looking for.

For me it means a lot. The water is a symbol of life, for without it there is none. It is also one of the four elements. The Phoenix bird is a symbol of rebirth and renewal among other things. it is also one of the four elements - fire. I am an earth sign... A Taurus. So this first tattoo of mine will complete three of the four elements and represents everything in my life over the past few years. My appreciation for life, finding myself, finding my beliefs and becoming more centered and balanced.

My next tattoos (yes, I will have 2 or 3) will complete the elements (w/ WIND) and will somehow include my favorite number 12 (which has great significance with me) and my favorite word, Renovatio (Latin meaning: renewal, renovation, restoration).

Bear to make a difference! - MSF Gala 2007

Thanks to my dear friend Rick Kramer, I was invited to join him at this year's gala for the Matthew Shephard Foundation. The whole event was beautiful and I wasn't prepared for how emotionally draining it would be.

Matthew Shephard Foundation Gala

I also learned about the True Colors Tour that I have to go to, organized by Cyndi Lauper. The link is http://www.truecolorstour.com

For the first time ever, music legends and today’s hottest artists take the stage for a historical musical event - Cyndi Lauper, Erasure, Debbie Harry, The Dresden Dolls, The Gossip and The Misshapes with host Margaret Cho join in celebration of the inaugural True Colors concert tour in support of the Human Rights Campaign. This 15 city nationwide tour, presented by Logo, kicks off Gay & Lesbian Pride Month on June 8th at Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Garden Arena. The concerts will feature five hours of nonstop music with other exciting special guests appearing on select dates throughout the tour including Rufus Wainwright, Rosie O’Donnell and Indigo Girls with additional guests to be announced.

The True Colors Tour was conceived by Cyndi Lauper stemming from her desire to give back to the community for the love and support they have given her throughout her career. Through a joint program with the Human Rights Campaign-the nation’s largest organization working for GLBT equality - as well as PFLAG and The Matthew Shepard Foundation, the True Colors Tour will bring together Americans across the country to voice their solidarity against discrimination and for equality and raise public awareness about the issues facing the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. One dollar of every ticket sold will benefit the work of the Human Rights Campaign.

The concert is at Red Rocks on Sun, Jun 10, 2007 at 6:00 PM, and if anyone wants to join me... I'd like to get a small group to go.

Prices are:
Reserved (Rows 1-47) US $65.50 - US $80.50
General Admission (Rows 48-69) US $50.50

Marcus' Going Away Party

Marcus' going away party was a complete success. I couldn't believe the weather was so perfect. About 60 plus friends showed to wish him farewell and good luck. He was to leave on Wednesday at 2:00pm for England. Here are some pictures from the party.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR GALLARY

Marcus Going Away Party

Face Reality

Never face reality unless your reality is just the way you want it to be.

What are you planning?

I had two great excerpts from reading this weekend that I thought I'd share:

"The Universe does not know or care whether the vibration that you're offering is in response to something you are living right now and observing, or in response to something you are imagining. In either case, the Universe accepts it as your point of attraction and matches it."

"Whatever you're thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you're worrying, you are planning. When you're appreciating you are planning... What are you planning?"

Little about Mr. A - Z

Thought I would share with y'all the most amazing artist to me. His lyrics inspire me, and his sound draws me in every time. He's extremely talented and if you haven't heard him already here's a taste.

TelluTRI - I'm doing my first triathlon!!

Okay, here's something very ironic! My favorite number is 12. Most everyone knows this. The number 12 has oddly been associated with everything good in my life thus far. I was born on May 12, my sister was born on 12-12, I started dating Marcus on Aug 12.... and now... I'm starting training for my first triathlon today. March 12, 2007

I think it's a sign that I'm going to do well. I guess first I need to learn to swim. HA HA --- No, really... no joke! I have no clue how to swim becuase I never tried. And to think I dated an Olympic Gold Medalist for 2+ years that was a swimmer, but I took no lessons. IDIOT! I know.

Anyway, my buddy Josh is incredible. He's a Lifestyle and Fitness Coach. Owns his own business called Pure... just not sure if his website is working right yet. Anyway, I have wanted to start training with him since the day I got a "sample" workout with him and couldn't move for days. I approached him about training and not only am I a client now, but I am going to do a triathlon with him. Something I've always wanted to do!

The gig is called TelluTRI. It's at TelluTRI.com. It's 3/4 mile swim, 43 mile bike, and 5 mile run. It's the highest altitude triathlon in the country, and I don't look forward to getting in 50 degree water... even with a wetsuit.

Any comments or wishes are appreciated... or maybe you've done one and have some great tips!

Shoes!

My friend Derek shared this with me... WAY TO WIERD & FUNNY

Dreaming about Jesus

Had this dream yesterday and woke up laughing my ass off.

So the dream starts off with me at some sort of religious gathering, like Easter or something. I'm there with my family and even helping out with the services. (Which is ironic considering I get wheezy anytime I come near a church!)

Then somehow, out of the hundred plus people there, I AM THE ONE THAT GETS CHOSEN to go bury Jesus body. WHAT?? ha ha I'm given a slip with an address and told I need to bury Jesus there.

Of course I enlist the help of my sister. Donielle is gaggy and bitching, but being a total sport and we get outside, and have no clue where the place is. My car isn't reliable, so we ask my mom to drive and she gets defensive and says, "Ummm, I got a fucking pound of cocaine in my car. I can't get caught with coke AND Jesus' dead body!"

Donielle and I look at each other in disbelief. "YOU'RE DRIVING!" We get Jesus loaded up, and find out the building is only 2 blocks away. My mom is pissed that she took a risk for only two blocks and kicks us out. Jesus is thrown to the curb!

We realize we have to bury him on the rooftop, just one problem. When we get inside, they're working on the elevators. JUST OUR LUCK. Now we have to carry Jesus up 18 flights of stairs. I was in the lead and Donielle took up the tail. Right when we're almost at the rooftop, we run into two of my gay friends who just became Daddy's. They stop us in the hall and are showing me their new baby girl. I get distracted and Donielle is left with Jesus. She goes up top and buries him. It kind of gets fuzzy from there... but hell... I don't know if I could take anymore!

State of the Soul

My friend Zack asked me tonight what was my "state of soul". I might be accused of being "deep" but I had to reply with, "What do you mean?"

I had just finished telling him about my latest state of affairs and he helped put things into perspective a bit. He said, "Perfect love casts out all fear." Now I've heard this quoted before usually with religious reference talking about unconditional love from God. But, tonight I thought, how about our acceptance of each other? Maybe that's why he asked about my state of soul. How comfortable am I with everything that's gone down in the last three weeks? I've been having a very hard time without Marcus. I love him and miss him dearly. But maybe that love needs to start shedding some fears, ya think?

When is love conditional and when is it unconditional? When it casts out all fear?

Last night I broke down uncontrollably. In hindsight it was embarrassing, but at the time I was simply scared and lonely. I called Marcus in a moment of weakness and quickly realized my mistake. After few words, I hung up feeling even worse and knew I needed to "get it together".

The truth is I do love Marcus... unconditionally.

When I am struggling, I need to remind myself of times like now when I am clear minded.

Since the very beginning I've never wanted to change a thing about him. He's not perfect, but he sure as hell is perfect to me. I've only wanted the best for him and nothing has changed. I went back and read the "testimony" I left him four days after we split up.

"Marcus – There’s absolutely nothing I can say or write that will come close to expressing how deeply I care for you and how grateful I am for the last four years – the best four years of my life thus far. You’ve inspired me beyond imagination and helped me learn that it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to truly know what love is. --- You’re my best friend, and always will be. I know you know this! But you also need to know that I’ll be your other brother – another love to come and comfort you - and I’ll keep reminding you (if it’s the only thing I ever do) that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

More than anything, I want to see you succeed gloriously in this world. Make your mark, take a bite out of it, shake it, take control and you will inevitably wind up finding for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you. --- As our song says: “I will be the answer, at the end of the line. I will be there for you, while you take the time. In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground… Cause I can only tell you what I know, that I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. When the stars have all gone out, you’ll still be burning so bright.”

I find it ironic that only four days after ending the most amazing relationship in my life, I was able to think that soundly. I guess my feelings are going to fluctuate - but I have a lot to be thankful for and I'm going to focus my attention there as best I can.

Marcus - If you ever end up reading this, I hope it doesn't bother you that it's on my blog for family or friends to read. If it bothers you, I'll promptly remove it. It's become a bit therapeutic for me and I don't fear being a bit open about it.

Marcus, you deserve all the love and praise my soul inevitably pours out. I can't thank you enough for loving me as purely as you do and helping me see that it's equally as safe for me to love you without limitation. If I've caused you to worry - don't. I'm very strong and I'm only growing stronger. Before you I had so much clouding my mind. But, the uncertainty and "ghosts" are gone now. You've instilled a bright hope in me - a new dream of becoming more at peace with myself and content with my own soul. I will not let this hope be distorted by internal needs or external influences. I will remind myself that this hope is a gift from YOU. One that I will cherish for eternity.

So the next time when someone asks, what is my state of soul? I have an answer.

"Finding some peace."

Mexico - Villa Cortez

Well it was definitely nice to get away for a while in Mexico. I went to Puerto Penasco, which is about 2 hours south of Phoenix, AZ. So the flight was cheap ($91 round trip) and it was an easy car drive.

This area of Mexico has only been "touched" by Americans really over the last two years and WOW, what a difference. It's BOOMING there. The purpose of this three day trip was to investigate a development that my development sales and marketing team - Fuse - is considering selling. The project is called Villa Cortez and there will be more about it on my real estate blog soon.

Here are some pictures from the trip.

Soon as we got off the plane we were STARVING... went to an authentic Mexican Restaurante!

After lunch we took a boat out along miles of the coast to see all the new development.
This town used to be a huge shrimp town, but since the tourism they've paid most the shrimp farmers to dock their boats permanently. I thought it was a great shot.

This was the casa we stayed in. Huge 4 bedroom right on the beach in Playa la Jolla.

Me, the Developer, Petur & Ryan
(Why do I always gotta be the youngest?)

The beach and water was so incredible it looked like a Photoshop illustration. So I took a picture myself to see how magnificent it really was.

Just love everybody

This great excerpt from a workshop of Abraham in Houston came across my desk today. I believe (as many of you know) greatly in the Law of Attraction.

"Just love everybody that interacts with you no matter how personally, or how peripherally, involved with you they are. The efficiency of the people who deal with you... everything is orchestrated by the manager called Law of Attraction. And your vibration is setting all of it into motion. Everything affecting you is a reflection of the vibration that you are emitting. Spend more time focused upon your dream than upon the reality. The reality gives birth to the dream -- but the dream is where you are wanting to put your attention."

So I'm gonna keep on dreaming...

Clinton 2008!

Go Hillary!

Inspirational Movie

Click on image above for the movie

The Teachings of Abraham

Abraham has changed my life immensely since my discovery of them last fall (2006). Esther Hicks is an inspirational speaker who dialogs with a group of spiritual teachers who call themselves Abraham.

Being raised a Jehovah's Witness until I was 19 and leaving on my own, I was left with many uncertainties and doubts in life. Over the last 10 years I mistook how detrimental lack of spirituality was in my life. Lack of belief - in the world and most importantly, one's self. But Christianity, drenched in hypocrisy, lies and guilt, wasn't anything that attracted me. Nor, for that matter, any other religion that claims it is the "true" religion.

Abraham along with many other helpful teachers over the last year have taught me more about who I am and helped me see things more clearly. About 5yrs ago Abraham said, "You are killing more of each other every day over your quarrels over religion than all other things put together, because you cannot even come to an agreement about what you think God says, or wants for you. On one side of the world God wants something different than the other. On one side of the room, in one side of your mind, God wants something different than on the other. The power is within you. You are extensions of this powerful Source Energy. You are literally God expressing in this physical body. And so, as you are standing in a thought, or in a word, or in an action that feels good to you as you are standing there--then you are fully open and allowing all of that Divine Energy to flow through you. And in that moment you are all that you said you would be when you decided to come forth into this body. You are the extension of pure positive energy. You are in your full creative power. You are thriving. You are clear-minded. You are joyful. You are filled with love. You are who you are--you are allowing that which you really are."

Few words have ever rang clear as well as those have for me. The more I've been able to connect with ME, the better my relationships with others have become.

Abraham Website

NEW YEARS 2007

Marcus and I had a very special New Years this time around. Our good friends David and John got engaged. David took John out to a very special dinner and popped the question. Of course John accepted it! We met up with them at the Kanon Art Gallery on Santa Fe Street around 11:00, but started the partying early at our favorite girls' (Lisa, Jill and Cassie) house around 9:00!

Clearly Marcus' prom date (Lisa) still loves him.

Marcus and Jill got started on shots early

Lisa chugs the Champaign and apparently...
Cassie thinks licking the bottle adds a bit of "sexy" to it.

Nathan & Jill (Awwwww...)

CLEARLY I was the one that had to drive us over to the "engagement party" because Marcus was becoming delusional thinking he was all straight or something...




Maybe he's just trying to make up for being SO DAMN MORMON on Prom Night. HA HA Get it!!





On to David & John's party...

DJ Kevin Zolitor spun while we enjoyed cocktials

Afterwards, a few of us went to Nick Apel's place to hang out and well...
BEFORE WE KNEW IT - We got to experience the first Sunrise of 2007.
It was nothing short of completely jaw-dropping! (This picture does it NO justice!)

Xmas at Our Place

Marcus and I had my brother and his family, along with Donielle and Jonas over for the day. I wish I had taken more pictures!! I'll have to get them off Donielle's camera. Little Jaden arrived asleep, but that didn't stop him from laughing or smiling WHILE he slept. It was way too cute!

Matt's Family and Marcus & I had a large brunch in the morning. My omelette's were fantastic... or so they SAID. Anyway, Donielle and Jonas arrived later around 4:00 but we didn't get around to eating dinner until about 5 or 6pm. I have to admit I was pretty tipsy all day from the Mimosa's and on!

Donielle arrived ready to party

Jaden arrived asleep... but check this video out (sorry it's sideways)



----------------------------
Anyway, once he woke, he was in a great mood and sported his Sailor outfit quite well.

MATTHEW'S FAMILY

Zach, Tammy, Jaden, Matt

Crazy Snow

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but we easily got almost 3 feet down by our place. Here's a crappy before photo... and after photo. We were snowed in Wednesday until about Friday morning. Oh well... we burned wood all day and played games. What else ya gonna do?

BEFORE

AFTER

-----------------------------------------------

Here's another picture after I got out of the house and shoveled the walks.

Marcus at Kyle's Wedding

This is a short clip of Marcus and I cracking up at one of his friend's "hippie" wedding. It was very interesting to say the least. Up in Genesse, CO on a VERY foggy cold morning. There were about 14 different songs that everyone present was supposed to sing during different parts of the wedding. WOW... how unique! I mostly chuckled the whole time.

Chanel's first Xmas

My best friend Rebecca had her first child (little baby girl) right around the same time as Jaden was born. In fact, a few days after.

Doyle and Rebecca (Dad & Mom) are the ones in the Keystone pictures below both dressed in black. They live in Keystone as well.

Here is Chanel Richmond's first Xmas Picture.