What dreams will come?

I wrote this email to my friend Jason today and thought it was interesting enough to put in my online journal (blog). I think it will be interesting to read this in a couple months from wherever I am, doing whatever I'm doing, and see how I planted the seeds of desire earlier... just don't know exactly what those seeds will become just yet. :-)

excerpt from my email to Jason:

...I'm just looking for some change. I'm not sure how or when or whatever, but to me that seems irrelevant anyways. The details are not as important to me as much as the reason why. I'm 31 tomorrow and over the last year since I turned 30 I've come into this new way of thinking and feeling on much in life. Even more changed in February when Marcus and I went our own way and I became single again. The door with more freedom and flexibility flew open, and my head has been spinning ever since trying to figure out what changes I want.

Without a doubt, I feel that Marcus was EXACTLY what I needed for those 4 years. When I left Playground I wasn't happy. It's not that I wasn't happy with them or ITW, or anyone for that matter… other than myself. I was getting deeper and deeper into some self-deprecating habits. Marcus was my savior, and the first person to help me be more comfortable in my own skin.

Fast forward to today, I almost feel invincible. Nothing can make me unhappy or sway me from my ambitions because my entire intention is focused on my well being. I'm becoming increasingly driven to let go of anything that hinders me from enjoying my journey, my experience.

How this translates to business is that while 'regular residential sales' is lucrative and still fairly simulating, it isn't my true passion. Yet, ever since I left the world of development sales I've desired to return. Only last year did I get stable enough with my business that I didn't have to seek out clients. Now my referral network is strong enough I have an assistant and could spend some time trying to get back into development again. So I started Fuse with a few others and we have our first project in Mexico, but I'm just not so certain I want to recreate the wheel when there are others out there that have more or less perfected the way to do it (i.e. Sid and Pete).

I guess at this point I'm a few months out from being able to jump onto any project anyway, but I'm putting my feelers out now. I'm curious about your thoughts on this. I've always appreciated the way you explore and analyze business, plus you've never left the field that I desire to return to. If you were in my shoes what would you be considering?

Thanks for letting me ramble. Have a good weekend.>>