"You're never going to get to any final place. And so, we want to remind you to relax and start having fun on the way."



"Fear only exists when you do not understand that you have the power to project thought and that the Universe will respond. "

- Abraham

What dreams will come?

I wrote this email to my friend Jason today and thought it was interesting enough to put in my online journal (blog). I think it will be interesting to read this in a couple months from wherever I am, doing whatever I'm doing, and see how I planted the seeds of desire earlier... just don't know exactly what those seeds will become just yet. :-)

excerpt from my email to Jason:

...I'm just looking for some change. I'm not sure how or when or whatever, but to me that seems irrelevant anyways. The details are not as important to me as much as the reason why. I'm 31 tomorrow and over the last year since I turned 30 I've come into this new way of thinking and feeling on much in life. Even more changed in February when Marcus and I went our own way and I became single again. The door with more freedom and flexibility flew open, and my head has been spinning ever since trying to figure out what changes I want.

Without a doubt, I feel that Marcus was EXACTLY what I needed for those 4 years. When I left Playground I wasn't happy. It's not that I wasn't happy with them or ITW, or anyone for that matter… other than myself. I was getting deeper and deeper into some self-deprecating habits. Marcus was my savior, and the first person to help me be more comfortable in my own skin.

Fast forward to today, I almost feel invincible. Nothing can make me unhappy or sway me from my ambitions because my entire intention is focused on my well being. I'm becoming increasingly driven to let go of anything that hinders me from enjoying my journey, my experience.

How this translates to business is that while 'regular residential sales' is lucrative and still fairly simulating, it isn't my true passion. Yet, ever since I left the world of development sales I've desired to return. Only last year did I get stable enough with my business that I didn't have to seek out clients. Now my referral network is strong enough I have an assistant and could spend some time trying to get back into development again. So I started Fuse with a few others and we have our first project in Mexico, but I'm just not so certain I want to recreate the wheel when there are others out there that have more or less perfected the way to do it (i.e. Sid and Pete).

I guess at this point I'm a few months out from being able to jump onto any project anyway, but I'm putting my feelers out now. I'm curious about your thoughts on this. I've always appreciated the way you explore and analyze business, plus you've never left the field that I desire to return to. If you were in my shoes what would you be considering?

Thanks for letting me ramble. Have a good weekend.>>

Jaden - Growing up!

Wow! My sister sent me these today from pictures she took this weekend of Jaden. I can't believe how quickly the little guy is growing up. Click on the photo for a small album of images.

Jaden

Song for a Friend

I wanted to share this with all my dudes! A lot of guys that I totally respect, love and appreciate.

My favorite musician is probably Jason Mraz. I've talked about him before, and I if you know me well enough I am always listening to his music. I think Jason is an incredibly lyricist and all of his songs are extremely heartfelt. Most of his music is very uplifting and always keeps a smile on my face.

Jason is not gay but he apparently has a lot of gay buddies that he respects and appreciates too. He mentioned how the majority of singer/song writers talk about love between a man and a woman. But he thought it was important to write a love song from a man to another man. And since I'm such a romantic at heart and dig love songs all together... this is clearly my favorite song ever.

All together in my 30 years, no song has ever influenced me and much as this one. It was a constant reminder (as Marcus reminded me often) we always need to love ourselves first and foremost above all else. And listen to it through the very end, this song ends with the choir saying to just go for it... climb up over the top, don't hold back, "why not give it a shot" and find out all the strengths we have in us. It gets me pumped every time I hear it. I hope you enjoy it.

Well you're magic he said
But don't let it all go to your head
Well I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed
No doubt
All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping
To be
Keep on keeping it real
Cause it keeps getting easier indeed
He's the reason that I'm laughing
Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself

You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek
You got all the skill you need,
Individuality
You got something
Call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself

Yes you are

There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take,
That's why it's easy to thank you
You...

Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you
Yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love

Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you.

What's happening?

It's only 7 days before my 31st birthday. I can't believe how much things have changed 2007. I thought this was going to be a powerful year but I will admit I had my reservations.

This year I'm learning to be more of a deliberate creator. It's also my desire to make peace with where I am.

For the last 4 years I've grown accustomed to interacting with Marcus. I know there's an adjustment period as I still think it's hard for me to find my place. I know Marcus hasn't left me, it's just the form of our relationship has changed into friendship.

There is so much more out there to experience. I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface. This year, I'd like to be able to go and visit my friend Matt in Toronto. I've known him for 7 years and have only been able to hang out with him when I was living on the east coast. I'd also like to plan a trip to Lake Powell, stay on a boat for a week, relax.. Ahhhh!

But at the same time, I also really need to make some changes with my career. I'm not 100% sure residential real estate (as I've been doing) is my passion. It's fun, and it pays well, but not sure I'm getting all the joy out of it as I would if it was something I was completely passionate about. Ironically, I keep dreaming back towards what I used to do, not from the prospective of what I DID, but from what my company did. I worked for Playground (www.playground.com), but on the management side. Not on the broker/sales side, which is what I'd be interested in now. Except, I couldn't work with Playground. They're owned by Intrawest and I'm not so sure I'm into either of those company culture/people. However, the original owners of the company (SAPERA) that became Playground were Sid and Pete. They were true leaders! I respect them very much and well... they've created a new company called S&P Real Estate which seems identical to how Sapera used to be. I've been keeping tabs on what they're up to on their website, but also thru my friends that work there as VP's or Directors.

Anyway... This year I really hope to start accomplishing some bigger goals. As my friend Dan told me once, "The 20's are for learning and the 30's are for earning!" And baby, I'm ready to earn!

Abraham Reveals the secret behind "The Secret"

I always wondered...

Dream Canyon

I've heard about the infamous "Dream Canyon" for years since I was 20yo and have never gone to even check it out. Supposedly it was this place that takes a while to hike back to and because it's so remote people will go nude. Which of course attracts a bunch of mo's.

Well, it was a fairly simple (but very beautiful) hike, and there were a ton of straight people completely clothed! What a let down! ha ha

Nah, it was actually a really nice hike along a river. Jon (who I just met) drove, and Tim (my old roommate) invited me. Along with us were Mark and Austin. We had a great time, hiked down to a few flat rocks, took our shirts off and got a little sun. Tim is a very good photographer, and he was taking a lot of pictures of them. I don't blame him... they all have good bodies. ME, on the other hand, I avoid the camera at all costs. Not ashamed of my body, but damn... I always make the most fucked up faces!! ha ha

Anyway, these were all the shots Tim sent over if you're interested.

Dream Canyon

My Astrology Profile

OKAY.. so this profile of me is VERY CLOSE TO PERFECT... very peculiar!

Nathan Hildreth
May 12, 1976 at 7:57am

Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio • Ascendant in Gemini, Mercury in the Twelfth House • Saturn in the Second House • Moon in the Fifth House • Venus in the Eleventh House • Sun in the Twelfth House

Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio

You were born with the Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Scorpio. This combination of opposite signs denotes a very strong personality. Internally, you are warm-hearted and amorous. You have a tremendous amount of patience, firmness, and self-determination. You are intensely ambitious and have a strong desire for a position of renown in the world.

Your personality is in keeping with the individuality just outlined. Others view you as very determined, assured, and self-reliant. Often you are too brash and direct, and your remarks can be offensive. You are attracted to high-quality goods and luxuries, and you will work hard to secure them.

Because of the Sun in Taurus, you are conservative and resistant to changes. The Taurean gift of patience is somewhat overshadowed by your irritability and tendency to anger. It is best for others to stay out of your path when your pride has been pricked.

The Moon in Scorpio indicates a person of marked sexuality with strong tastes and an appetite for pleasures. Your aura of mystery appeals to men. At times you sense that your love of pleasure violates your most essential nature - basic tranquillity and rooted individuality.

Ascendant in Gemini, Mercury in the Twelfth House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Gemini was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Mercury is located in the twelfth house.

Your ascending sign and the position of its ruler offers general information concerning the overall trends of the course of life and complements the data pertaining to your temperament, given previously by the analysis of the combined positions of the Sun and Moon.

Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac and among its key psychological influences over life there are the following: intellectual activities, humanism, and abhorrence of violence, constant doubt of all mental concepts, hesitancy and academic interest.

People whose ascending sign is Gemini usually appear as elegant, slender, expressive, and with very humane facial expressions. They are individuals with some literary inclination, dexterous with manual labors and crafts, apt, able, witty, inventive and very curious and subtle.

A Gemini in the ascendant will always distinguish himself by his rather eloquent speech and writing, his much occupied daily life, and his perpetual lack of an ability to effect swift and determined decisions. As a Gemini, you should try to compensate your hesitancy with fast thinking.

Your disposition to life-events will be kind and generous (within bounds) but not always fortunate, because of too much vacillation in decision-making circumstances. You possess the capability of rising in life because of your own intellectual assets.

Your mind is open and generous, and your intellect self-sufficient; yet on many occasions, judgment will appear as "twisted". You should restrain useless discussion, strife, and unprofitable argument as they're your worst enemies.

To achieve success, you should stress your literary and scientific studies, give free hand to your brilliant intellect in warranted circumstances, and apply your diligent nature to writing, traveling, communications, and human analysis. In all these activities you are at your best.

Mercury, the ruler of your life, appears in the twelfth house. This is the house which represents the darker and uncounscious nature of people as well as sorrow. The presence of the ruler here inclines you to be extremely introverted and to conduct your life along lines that are private to the utmost degree. Because of your Gemini life-traits, your versatile and clever mind becomes very interested in the occult, loving to engender and implement intellectual plans with haziness and ambiguity.

Saturn in the Second House

Saturn is found in the second house at the time of your birth. This is not a very favorable astrological circumstance for the general course of financial matters in your life.

It might be difficult to maintain a relatively fair position because of financial losses. You might also take financial matters too serious, and burden yourself with worries about them.

Your arduous and dedicated work might produce little for you financially, but it does help to strengthen your self-worth and your appreciation of other values. Therefore, do not be discouraged. Saturn often grants a fairly normal financial status at an older age if one exerts oneself in this direction.

If you make an effort to acquire greater enthusiasm in business, coupled with more liberality, life will change by the same degree.

Moon in the Fifth House

The Moon was found in the fifth house at the time of your birth. This indicates that you will participate actively in business speculations with many changes occurring in this respect. You were born with a knack for dealing with people and with the ability to communicate with them, particularly in connection with business enterprises.

Your emotional nature is very much geared to your love of pleasure, and you possess a very curious aptitude which may bring you financial gains as well as pleasures in business.

In spite of the positive qualities you have, the fact of the matter is that in love you are very changeable, unstable, or too preoccupied with trivialities.

Your love feelings are very well developed and lead to strong drives for sensations and passionate tendencies which unfortunately are not directed to one object alone.

It is possible that throughout life you may be connected with small and numerous business investments with a fairly good return.


Venus in the Eleventh House

Venus was found in the eleventh house at the time of your birth. Your aspirations in life are very aesthetically oriented.

You strive for peace and harmony and if it were left up to you the whole world would be more humane, kind, and considerate. In your more personal relationships, Venus gives you the capability of obtaining substantial gain and assistance through your friends, who will desire to assist you with the best of intentions.

Sun in the Twelfth House

The Sun was in your twelfth house at the time of birth. This may indicate a life full of limitations, obstacles, and human opposition, but at the same time a lot of inner strength and energy.

You are urged to pause and reflect upon your own accumulated history. Take some time for introspection. It may result in a purification process accompanied by some remorse of conscience.

Internally, you are quite different from the way you present yourself externally. You possess a vast reservoir of energy that may be partially hidden even from your own awareness.

Your internal disposition is strong, commanding, open, and of a rare generosity. More and more you should try to bring these characteristics into the open so that they can overcome some of the less desirable aspects of your personality.

SAND and STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

New CD - Endless Romance!

If you're interested in this CD... I'll make you a copy! ;-)

Pulminary Edema

April 12, 2007

Yeah, real wonderful eh? I went into the hospital on Tuesday for a minor surgery, and the anesthesiologist fucks up putting me under. I wake up with my lungs full of blood and coughed blood for the entire day into the next morning. They had to keep me overnight until I could breath on my own again.

Real fun stuff I'm telling ya! I can breath good again, and even ran a mile this Tuesday, and started back with my trainer on Wednesday. I'm pretty sure I'm fine now, but i do have an appointment with the Pulmonary Clinic to check on my acute edema I had.

Alanis Morissette "My Humps" video

TOO FUNNY!

My Tattoo

Okay, it's done! I have my tattoo designed. Okay, I've had the design for a few months now, but I'm ready to get it done now. It's going to be the size of a grapefruit or so in the center of my upper back. It's very symbolic.

The original design was from NASA with the planet Mars behind it. It was meant to represent how life with start new again on another planet if we could find water on Mars. I was looking for a tattoo (even drawing one myself) VERY similar to this already and was blown away when I came across NASA's design. I got rid of the planet, and finally I have the tattoo I was looking for.

For me it means a lot. The water is a symbol of life, for without it there is none. It is also one of the four elements. The Phoenix bird is a symbol of rebirth and renewal among other things. it is also one of the four elements - fire. I am an earth sign... A Taurus. So this first tattoo of mine will complete three of the four elements and represents everything in my life over the past few years. My appreciation for life, finding myself, finding my beliefs and becoming more centered and balanced.

My next tattoos (yes, I will have 2 or 3) will complete the elements (w/ WIND) and will somehow include my favorite number 12 (which has great significance with me) and my favorite word, Renovatio (Latin meaning: renewal, renovation, restoration).

Bear to make a difference! - MSF Gala 2007

Thanks to my dear friend Rick Kramer, I was invited to join him at this year's gala for the Matthew Shephard Foundation. The whole event was beautiful and I wasn't prepared for how emotionally draining it would be.

Matthew Shephard Foundation Gala

I also learned about the True Colors Tour that I have to go to, organized by Cyndi Lauper. The link is http://www.truecolorstour.com

For the first time ever, music legends and today’s hottest artists take the stage for a historical musical event - Cyndi Lauper, Erasure, Debbie Harry, The Dresden Dolls, The Gossip and The Misshapes with host Margaret Cho join in celebration of the inaugural True Colors concert tour in support of the Human Rights Campaign. This 15 city nationwide tour, presented by Logo, kicks off Gay & Lesbian Pride Month on June 8th at Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Garden Arena. The concerts will feature five hours of nonstop music with other exciting special guests appearing on select dates throughout the tour including Rufus Wainwright, Rosie O’Donnell and Indigo Girls with additional guests to be announced.

The True Colors Tour was conceived by Cyndi Lauper stemming from her desire to give back to the community for the love and support they have given her throughout her career. Through a joint program with the Human Rights Campaign-the nation’s largest organization working for GLBT equality - as well as PFLAG and The Matthew Shepard Foundation, the True Colors Tour will bring together Americans across the country to voice their solidarity against discrimination and for equality and raise public awareness about the issues facing the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. One dollar of every ticket sold will benefit the work of the Human Rights Campaign.

The concert is at Red Rocks on Sun, Jun 10, 2007 at 6:00 PM, and if anyone wants to join me... I'd like to get a small group to go.

Prices are:
Reserved (Rows 1-47) US $65.50 - US $80.50
General Admission (Rows 48-69) US $50.50

Marcus' Going Away Party

Marcus' going away party was a complete success. I couldn't believe the weather was so perfect. About 60 plus friends showed to wish him farewell and good luck. He was to leave on Wednesday at 2:00pm for England. Here are some pictures from the party.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR GALLARY

Marcus Going Away Party

Face Reality

Never face reality unless your reality is just the way you want it to be.

What are you planning?

I had two great excerpts from reading this weekend that I thought I'd share:

"The Universe does not know or care whether the vibration that you're offering is in response to something you are living right now and observing, or in response to something you are imagining. In either case, the Universe accepts it as your point of attraction and matches it."

"Whatever you're thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you're worrying, you are planning. When you're appreciating you are planning... What are you planning?"

Little about Mr. A - Z

Thought I would share with y'all the most amazing artist to me. His lyrics inspire me, and his sound draws me in every time. He's extremely talented and if you haven't heard him already here's a taste.

TelluTRI - I'm doing my first triathlon!!

Okay, here's something very ironic! My favorite number is 12. Most everyone knows this. The number 12 has oddly been associated with everything good in my life thus far. I was born on May 12, my sister was born on 12-12, I started dating Marcus on Aug 12.... and now... I'm starting training for my first triathlon today. March 12, 2007

I think it's a sign that I'm going to do well. I guess first I need to learn to swim. HA HA --- No, really... no joke! I have no clue how to swim becuase I never tried. And to think I dated an Olympic Gold Medalist for 2+ years that was a swimmer, but I took no lessons. IDIOT! I know.

Anyway, my buddy Josh is incredible. He's a Lifestyle and Fitness Coach. Owns his own business called Pure... just not sure if his website is working right yet. Anyway, I have wanted to start training with him since the day I got a "sample" workout with him and couldn't move for days. I approached him about training and not only am I a client now, but I am going to do a triathlon with him. Something I've always wanted to do!

The gig is called TelluTRI. It's at TelluTRI.com. It's 3/4 mile swim, 43 mile bike, and 5 mile run. It's the highest altitude triathlon in the country, and I don't look forward to getting in 50 degree water... even with a wetsuit.

Any comments or wishes are appreciated... or maybe you've done one and have some great tips!

Shoes!

My friend Derek shared this with me... WAY TO WIERD & FUNNY