Al Hildreth

My grandfather just passed away last week. This was my father's father. I didn't know him very well. To be completely blunt about it I haven't known him for at least 13 years (when I was 18). After graduating HS it wasn't long before everyone found out about me being gay. I guess this grandfather of mine didn't care much for that. He never made contact wit him since. I went and visited him with my brother and sister once about a month ago. That was the first time I had seen him in many many years.

Apparently he lived a good life but a very unhealthy one, so at the age of 67 he passed and I think it was really hard on most of my family and of course... especially my father who was unable to be there for his funeral.

THE FUNERAL

The whole reason I wanted to write about this a little bit, was because I really thought PARTS of the funeral were uncomfortable to me and many others there (as I found out afterwards at the reception). Not out of disrespect at all - but it's ironic how religion plays a part in peoples lives... OR DOESN'T play a part, until someone gets married or dies. Everywhere else in between "God" exists sporadically. They really should have left all religion, god, and related BS aside in my opinion. My G'pa wasn't a religious person at all from what I knew. But I guess... the funeral is more for those left behind than s/he that just passed.

The only two parts of the service I enjoyed was my Aunt Kim's letter about my G'pa (her father), and a short slide show with pictures of him and his life. That was nice!

IF IT'S ME - LET IT BE KNOWN!

All that aside... I haven't written any direction as to my will or living-will for that matter. But here's my wishes...

If I'm a veggie for any length of time at all really...for all things holy, let me go! Pull that plug baby and send me on my way. This physical existence is not one that I feel is ever worth the pain it would cause others to endure while hoping that I'm going to pull out of it. NOR is it worth the pain I would have to endure if I came back and was severely handicap (mental or physical). Not saying it wouldn't be a worthwhile experience, but honestly... I've had enough challenges in this life that I really don't care to add that extra level of "specialness". No thanks. Maybe if I choose to come back again.

In terms of my death... well I hope it's sudden #1... nothing enduringly painful I hope. But if it is sudden all my friends and family should know without a doubt that I've appreciated them every step of the way. I'll try to show that to you all - I'll try not to be too self-absorbed... HA HA I know I choose to do a lot of it alone sometimes, but I guess that's all part of my experience. It's nothing personal against you, but entirely personal for me.

Yet, when I leave this physical existence (die, croak, pass on, kick it, etc... I like to make light of it cause I don't think very morbid of death) I hope my family and friends do nothing but celebrate the life I lived. I don't want a single mention of the "God" they follow, or the Bible, or anything of a religious relation. I don't even want my funeral to be at a parlor that owns a cross or tailors to most Christians, etc.. it just wouldn't be me!

I would want it in the nature somehow... I'd want it short and sweet, but also very spiritual. I'd want people to know what I believe about life, our purpose, their purpose and very importantly how connected all of us are physical and non-physical. We're all a part of that which we call God, we're all God. So not only should we follow the "golden rule" of treating others as we wish to be treated... but really the opposite. We should treat ourselves as we wish to treat others. If we start by truly loving every part of ourselves we will have so much more to offer everyone else.

Okay, enough of that for now... there just better be some good words said about me and then some good wine and a kegger! LOL Honestly, if everyone is able to appreciate me and my life, then they can appreciate each other and leave aside their differences. They can all show each other that they are all the same and all equally as much a part of me, and god.